its ight
just keep writing. thats all you can do, you almost got it, but some of it sounds really off. you'll get it one of these days, you got decent lyrics, even if you use the same words some times. i personally hate when ppl just put words that rhyme at the end of every line with little to no creativity. IE Contain, Complain, Attain, Domain....
But like i said, it's all practice, you'll look back on this in a few years and laugh